sweaty solstice

letters from the now #15

let this be the soundtrack to this post : )

hello friends,

sitting at the usual spot and it’s HOT in Berlin, damn. Solstice has come and Summer has peaked. It always comes so fast, doesn’t it?

Today is the first yin day of the year, a tiny speck of a black eye in a big white rounded half circle fish. This speck will grow every day, until it matches the white, and then it will engulf the white yang and begin to dominate, the days will be shorter and in six months the world will find itself in eternal darkness (Berlin Winter).

But for now I’m sweating.

Another way of looking at this: Life starts living itself now. The first six months of the year are yang in the nature, it feels more like cycling uphill. There is lots of inventiveness but also pushing and frustration. But now we’re over the peak, and we’re going downhill slowly. It’s reaping after sowing, shooting after loading, cruising after pedaling, you catch my drift.

I allude to this in the title of one of the recent editions:

Here we are, and in my life, in the year of the lord 2025, the first year in which I’m documenting my journey in writing publicly, where I commit to “writing through it” instead of “writing about it later”, we’ve reached the peak, and now we’re starting to roll.

To me that means that I’m not adding anything to my life this year. The things in are in their place and all they do is mature now. Time for fruit to grow in Summer, time for harvest in Autumn, time for reserves and death in Winter.

My inner disposition is very summery right now. Very confident and calm. Given the (readable) struggles of the last six months that’s very interesting. Because things, on paper, aren’t much clearer, but they are in spirit, because of what I’ve tried and failed at.

As you can read in “the summer will carry us” I’ve gone through various portals of commitment. I’m committed to self-employment and even entrepreneurship, I’m committed to my gf and our relationship, I’m committed to my path. From within that, options can arise, but on the surface I feel more and more focused by the day.

Periods in time can be imagistic to me. The current image is “HONING”. The image is a piece of wood being chiseled, to be more pointy on one end. It’s the aforementioned focus. It’s the feeling of breaking down my business into clear language. It’s using my time wisely for the essentials (that includes rest and goofing off of course). It’s discerning with whom to open, and with whom to close my heart.

Money flow seems good thanks to a client, and some generosity (and transactionality) with family members. I’m feeling like I can fill the remaining month-envelopes of the year with money with some focus and street smarts. I’m letting go of the “I’m broke” narrative (even though I caught myself saying it today).

I have to say one thing though.

There are some personal problems arising, more or less foreseen. They are quite close to home so I don’t feel comfortable writing about them right now. But I didn’t want to skip over them, as per my commitment of writing through it. Yet I don’t want to be foolish to slap on the page what is not ready for it. I might journal about it to work through it… but I do feel the desire to speak openly lest they get stuck somewhere. For now, I’ll study and observe. Hopefully I can write about them soon, I think they will make for some juicy & vulnerable material.

Ok with all that said, fuck it, let me see if I can write about it and delete later.

[redacted]

solstice moon

I wrote this and it felt very good. I might actually publish it but probably behind a paywall. It’s pretty personal. Gonna let it rest and see what’s what.

Thank you for being with me today and I hope a cool breeze catches the collar of your shirt. Congrats on making it this far. You’re here, your alive, and somebody loves you.

Big kiss much love many blessings

S

PS: check out this cool car:

never seen an audi this low damn bro