seeking what I once shunned

letters from the now #6

hello friends,

and many blessings to you!

Times are exciting! I’ve been biting my nails for a job interview that was supposed to happen on Friday already, but instead got moved to today (Monday).

This is a sales role in a food related startup and I’m actually very hyped for it.

It’s doing interesting things with me.

did some field research for my upcoming culinary adventures

In my recent times of sabbaticalism and spiritual study, I was let-things-and-people-be-maxxing and didn’t feel like doing any convincing or persuading. The most I did was inviting people to parties, including the week-long party TREEWEEK that I threw.

That’s when I learned that “making an invitation” or “creating an occasion” is actually a very harmonious way to get people to do something, and the “getting together” aspect of a party very much sells itself.

With every passing year of my sabbatical I felt like the world is calling me back, and with it always comes an invitation (not to say pressure) to go back into performance mode that is closer to get-people-to-do-things (as opposed to let-things-and-people-be).

My friend Brent would maybe call this “exploiting” instead of “exploring”. I’m sure he means it in a nice and wise way, but it has a harsh edge to it, and I’ve been struggling with it.

I think “selling” has always been the great canvas on which I could project what’s wrong with the world, while secretly knowing that it is exactly the edge of my being where I need to expand.

And it’s not like I did zero selling! By the traditional rules of ADHD, I did what I needed, when I really needed it. I put my eggs in one basket when I fell in love and courageously pursued Julia, I went to some networking event and sold one high-ticket coaching track that was very successful, and I managed to pull my friends together as a team to put on TREEWEEK, and we sold 75+ tickets and put on a wonderful experience for our attendees.

During all those instances I felt exhilarated, excited, expressive, expertly! I felt The Thrill Of Being In The World!

How often do we find a wall right in front of where we most need to go? Why? I don’t know, but it seems that …

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… as I found out the other week. With regards to my thoughts in this article, another update: I put myself and

emergent

to work and we created a mini-body of Tiktok-video-work. My Tiktok looks like this now:

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I’m sitting in a cafe right now, and I’m not gonna lie, it’s a bit cringe to have a screen open that’s SO FULL OF MY FACE!!! WTF?? As per this Tweet:

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In this beautifully budding spring of 2025, I find myself pushing my fears, which seem to be leading me to where I’m meant to be.

Sales, narcissism, power; buttons, levers, algorithms. Things I often found disdainful as I committed myself to truth, love and spirit. I was committed to the Dao, to God, to others, to service, to love. Not to me, myself and the love for my face???

Yet once again, things are neither black nor white, and getting back into the world, I always knew, also means dancing with the devil, not just shunning him.

As my friend

positive_loop

said, religion has been making the mistake to put G(o)od on one side on the spectrum and (D)evil on the other. The truth is that God is where heaven and earth meet. In the middle of the horse shoe. Where there is apple pie, metal music, beautiful cars with combustion engines and digital creativity machines that also want to hijack your brain.

Only the obtuse are unappreciative of the paradox.
Tom Robbins

I trust that this is the way.

And I will forgive those near me, who I’ve shunned for acting like I do now.

(So that I also may love and forgive myself.)

Much love, many blessings and see you soon <3

S

PS: Totally forgot to come back to the job interview! My verdict is: I’m so hyped to do sales fulltime for a while and git gud, so that at some point I can use it for my spiritual pursuit and build a wonderful magic school! Hell yeah!