January 24: My inner child is a cool dude.
How to (not) start a new year, how to settle back in back home, how to listen to your heart.
It’s January and despite my extensive study of the seasons, I’ve made a mistake. I asked too much of myself, too early in the year.
Note just after publishing: I published and emailed this post to you, with the headline “January 23”, just after I bragged to Louis the other day that I’ve yet to misspell the year this year. That’s what you get :D
Yes, I’ve spent the Holy Nights, the quiet time of the year between Dec 25 and Jan 6, as they’re meant to be spent: In leisure, in receptivity, in relaxation, in my case in a sort of flabby sleepy party-y lovey-dovey mishmash.
But when I got home to Berlin from Poland on Jan 8 I thought I could just get on with it. I had plenty on my list and some time pressure: my flight to Morocco is leaving on Jan 26. That usually gets me going.
I forgot that it’s a brand new year that needs settling in, and no matter the time of the year, I need at least a few days of settling in back home when I’ve been on a journey that’s longer than a week.
So, double settling needed, and I thought I could get away with none. Or maybe: I just didn’t think it through. I spent the week from Jan 8 in a very unpleasant tension field. I’d like to address this, because for me this is the most well-defined source of procrastination I know. It comes from the tension between two points:
You give yourself something to do.
You don’t talk to yourself about it.
That’s it. It’s a recipe for disaster, for adults trying to get themselves to do something, as well as other relationship constellations, like someone and their spouse, someone and their kid, someone and their employee.
To define “talking to yourself about it” — in this case I could have had a conversation with myself that goes along the lines of:
Me: “Hey, so we’re back home.”
Also me: “Yeah!”
M: “We’ve got something important to do, and we’re leaving again on Jan 26!”
A: “True! What do we have to do?”
M: “We need to get our finances together.”
A: “What does that mean?”
M: “Well, we need an overview over how much we’ve spent monthly last year. Because this year we want to earn more money, and we need to earn more than we spend. So we need to know what we spend, so we can set our earning goals accordingly, and also adjust our spending where necessary.”
A: “That makes a lot of sense!”
M: “Yeah and there are some other things on the list as well so we better start pronto.”
Let’s take a break here. Nice conversation right? Except now it will get interesting, which is the reason why I should have had it in the first place.
The “me” in this conversation is sort of an administrative Simon, head Simon, thinking Simon, knowing what to do Simon. The other me is “also me” but it’s the kid Simon, heart Simon, feeling Simon, knowing what’s actually possible and available Simon.
This is a conversation between head and heart, which is what we need much more in the world, and in our lives, because we need to learn to listen to the heart.
Moving on:
M: “Yeah and there are some other things on the list as well so we better start pronto.”
A: “That would be great, but I’m afraid that won’t be possible.”
M: “Ummm what? Why?”
A: “Well, we literally just got home.”
M: “Yes and we cleaned the flat the same night. So now we can just keep going.”
A: “It might look like it but no.”
M: “Why???”
A: “Well, look. It’s still January. It’s still time to rest.”
M: “What do you mean? We’ve rested aggressively for more than two weeks? We need to get into action!”
A: “I understand you’re eager to get going, especially because it seems like we’re low on time. But if anything, the part of us that should get into action now is body. Body has been eating, drinking, smoking, and needs some healthy food and some nice movement. When body is happy, you will have a much easier time getting the whole machine in front of a spreadsheet.”
M: “Hmm… that’s certainly true…”
A: “And also, while we’re cooking, swimming, playing video games and engaging in cozy milling about this week, you will have time to think through the action plan for next week, and then we can be well prepared and in good shape to start the work next week.”
M: “That sounds pretty smart actually.”
A: “And lastly, I know there are some other things on the list, and for those smaller things and errands, I’m sure we can make time. It will be nice to walk through the city and arrive back home.”
M: “Ok, so what should I schedule for this week then?”
A: “How about at least one swim, maybe a gym session, maybe some intentional video gaming time? Maybe some calls with friends? And whatever time you need for errands.”
M: “And how about some times to cook? What would you like to eat?”
A: “Good question …. : )”
Aaaand so on.
Now, this is the conversation I didn’t have. Instead the non-conversation went like this:
M: “We need to get our finances together.”
And that was it. I just barked a command, and I didn’t listen for an inner response, or for the wisdom of my heart, my kid inside. And when a kid isn’t listened to, it will just ruin your day in its own way.
Had I engaged in the proper conversation instead, it would have made one key change in my last two weeks: I would have done the same cozy milling about, but it would have been properly agreed on and sanctioned. And instead of pressuring myself to sit down in front of a finance spreadsheet, I would have taken the time to bring some life energy back into my body.
The good news is, I did find a breakthrough into the work I intended to do this week. Luckily, Alexandra appeared in my studio and together it was way easier to slay the finance demon.
I just wish I had listened to my heart. I would have suffered way less.
Speak to you soon
Simon